Lay out beer mats for your friendsBeer is good.
Beer is wet.
Beer is not free.
Money is beer money and money for all the other stuff.
If you can, get some beer money. This might mean getting a job. This means you might have to show up somewhere on Monday morning. This is called the curse of the drinking class. Really! It is!
If you have friends, they might have beer money. If you have a place where they can drink without their parents or wives hassling them, you might have them come over with beer. If you are really lucky, your friends let you come over and they have beer and PlayStation 3.
Don't ask them if they have cable or dish. No one cares. They have beer.
Your friends are very likely to be male. Women drink beer. But for some reason, they don't get "beer guts." If a woman looks like she has a beer gut, you get to ask her when is she due.
Women like to drink beer with other women. They call it "tea."
A "tea" chest If you have to buy your own beer, don't just take the first six pack you find in the beer store. If you look for big signs, you might find "sale" beer. This is worth driving around town for. You can find it at the supermarket.
If you have done well at work, you get to drink Lowenbrau.
If you come home needing to wash the grease off your hands, you can drink Miller.
If you wear a tie to work, you can drink Heineken.
If you have business cards, you can drink Sam Adams.
If you drive a company car, you can drink Sam Adams at lunch on Monday. Good luck with that. Eat some wings or something to absorb the alcohol.
If your boss hassles you about falling asleep at your desk, say, "I was tired because I was up all night drinking with your boss at the strip club."
If your boss hassles you about falling asleep in the back of the warehouse, you can punch him and then get PTSD. The union guy might explain it to you.
If not, you can get another job. Get your friend with the business cards to write you a resume sometime on a beer mat. You can talk a nice lady at the library into typing it into the computer for you.
At least you'll get to sleep at the library.
If anyone ever suggests AA, say "That's a wonderful thing. My whole family is in it."
Remember it is not recommended that you drink beer and use Viagra. Science is working on that. The beer makers know whoever solves this gets the Nobel Prize. And drinks free for life.
Remember:
Beer is food.
You only ever "rent" beer.
Beer is extra cold in summer.
Beer is served at sports events, but it is overpriced.
Beer is why refrigerators were invented.
That beer won't drink itself.
Early version of beer truck. Recommended reading:
You won't be reading anything this weekend.
Ben Franklin never actually said: Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Lincoln did say: I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.
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Comments
This is an important posting on an important subject and you have covered it pretty well, but you forgot some important instructions.
1. Open the vessal with the beer inside it.
2. Open your mouth.
3. Pour beer into your mouth
4. Swallow the beer.
5. Repeat steps 2 through 4 until it is time to do 1 again.
1. Open the vessal with the beer inside it.
2. Open your mouth.
3. Pour beer into your mouth
4. Swallow the beer.
5. Repeat steps 2 through 4 until it is time to do 1 again.
Sometimes husbands nag about beer too. I like beer, not tea so much. I need to use that line about the boss's boss.
Your writing has prompted me to buy a sixer.. Here! Here! and I thank you....
Anthony--thank you for reminding me. Yes! Everyone, listen to this wise one.
Rita--good line, huh!
DRS0005--have a nice weekend!
Rita--good line, huh!
DRS0005--have a nice weekend!
I'm being dead honest: this is one of the best things I've read on OS in a long time. Love it. SO many important points.
I usually don't get a thirst for beer at 7:50 am, so, thanks, I think. :)
"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
- Homer Simpson
- Homer Simpson
Telling a Cox how to drink is like telling George W. Bush how to say something stupid.
Beth Mann--Thanks.
Hoop--Just keep that thirst building through the day--and Whoohoo, it's Miller Time!
Cranky--Homer. He has forgotten more about beer than most of us ever know.
David. Thank you, I think.
Hoop--Just keep that thirst building through the day--and Whoohoo, it's Miller Time!
Cranky--Homer. He has forgotten more about beer than most of us ever know.
David. Thank you, I think.
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